Now i've decided.

i just got back my bio paper.
i only attained an E, and i'm the lowest in class. 48/100, you can hardly call that a pass.

with my horrible results, i think i'm better off if i retain. i mean, there's no point if i promote, and flunk my A Levels. so, i've sort of decided to just retain. i'm actually more afraid of promoting. can anyone understand my fears? if i go on, i will continue to do badly in my subjects. isn't it better if i take one more year to get my facts right first? i'm afraid of flunking A Levels, if that happens, there is nothing i can do anymore, nowhere i can turn to. i'd be stuck. and if i forcibly promote myself this year, there's a high chance that my greatest fear will realise.

i'm stuck.

i'm confused.

i don't want to leave my dearest friends... i feel disconnected with them already. i know definitely that they are going to move on, and i'm happy for them. i was in the canteen with them today. knowing that i could never be with them again made me feel sad, beyond sad. i know it'd be inevitable that we'd drift apart if i were to retain. it's inevitable. i'd miss them... for all the times we spent together (and that's like the whole time i'm in school), and all the jokes we shared, all the times we irritated each other, all the times we simply made each other smile. i'd miss them... i can't bear to be separated from you guys, jaclyn and jolene. you two are the reasons why i'm happy in my class. thank you for everything you've given me this past year. i'm sorry i have to say goodbye so soon... i'm really sorry... i love you, dear friends, all the best okay? just smile and you can do it :)

goodbye guys...