Namz, if you're reading this, then this post is for you. Thanks for wanting to read about us? Haha. You are one big bundle of joy, girl. I hope you'll do well for you Prelims and your A's and all the other whatnots. I'm not going to ask you to study hard or smart. That's silly. Just do well.
And Yips, happy belated birthday! Okay, so reinstating this blog isn't such a great present, but yeah, I'm out of money and too artistically challenged to draw you a card. So you'll just have to make do with this post then. :) I'm cheap.
Okay, let's get started then. A lot of shit has happened in the past couple of days. A few spats here and there, but nothing that would have really damaged our relationship. We're soulmates, we pick the same shampoos, shower foams, toys, and whatever else that might actually catch your eye at Junction 8. Or any other place for that matter. Arguments happen for, well, argument's sake.
But I'm sorry. I wish I was a better person. I wish I was a better boyfriend. I wish I knew how. I know you think that it's the little things that I do that count. But it doesn't change the fact that I made you cry on Wednesday, the 16th of August 2006. I will never EVER forget that date for as long as I live. I wish I could say that I would never allow myself to make you cry again, be it intentionally or unintentionally. But we both know it's impossible. I can only promise you that I'll try my best not to.
And if you do cry, they'll be tears of joy dear.
I'm the stupid one. Not you. You are the most wonderfully brilliant person in the whole cosmic universe. Okay, maybe not. You still have your flaws, but that's why I love you. It's my fault that I wasn't as direct and to the point as I was before. I just don't know what came over me that day. Call it premonition. Call it whatever you want to. I just knew that something bad was going to happen.
I know I'm being selfish. I know we've already pledged a lifetime, and more, if possible, to each other. But I want to be able to spend more time with you. Zoe, it's only been a month and 27 days, but it feels like it's been so much longer. You know how greedy I can be right? I love every second I spend with you almost as much as I love you. I wish I had more than 24 hours a day, I wish I had more than 7 days a week, I wish I had more than 31 days a month, I wish I had more than 1 lifetime to spend with you!
I'm sorry. For making you cry. If any of you reading this are angry with me right about now, then let me just say that I am far more disappointed in myself then all of you put together and multiplied hundredfold.
Something worse happened when Zoe got home that night. Her mum read her phone messages again and found out that we were still together. She was already in tears from the memories of the afternoon's events and now this had to happen. She was crying over not being able to get promoted, over the possibility of losing me. I guess she was cooped up for too long in the toilet and her mum suspected something.
I am so, so sorry for smsing you that night my sweetheart. I really feel that I'm the source of all your problems. No, I am the source of your problems. I promised you that I'd take you away from all of this, but I can't do it yet. We've still got a long way to go before I can give you the life that you've dreamt up for us. I'll do anything to make it come through. I promise.
She cried under her table. Until her dad found her and spoke to her about her mum. About how she's always been so overbearing, about how because of her, he has no friends, about how much he loves his daughter. I want to thank him for that. For doing the one thing I could not do that night. To be with Zoe when she needed me the most. To tell her that she's not alone. That someone out there still cares for her. I know it'll still be at least a year before I can thank him personally, so thank you, Mr Lim.
Zoe cried the whole night.
She came to school wearing specs because her eyes were too puffy and she couldn't see all that well. The whole day was basically spent exchanging smses with her unbelievably unreasonable mother. But that's her mum. She's like that. We can't change anything about it because that's how she is. That's how she wants to be. She's only happy when she gets her way. It doesn't matter whether or not what she happens to be doing is right or wrong. She just wants her way.
She can't be changed.
But we can't be broken up either.
We sat in the AMK library for a while. Waiting for her mum to reply to the message that I sent using Zoe's phone. About how we had a big fight because of her, and that we'd broken up for real. She didn't reply till really late. Or was it the next day? I don't know.
Zoe refused to go home until she replied. I had to accompany her on the phone until I was at my doorstep and she was nearing home. I just needed to hear the tapping of EZ-link cards, the ding-dong of the Bus Stopping sign, the opening and close of the doors, the sound of people, and the roar of the engine. Above all of that, I needed to hear her voice. I needed to know if she'd got back home safely. I can't have her spending the night in the streets. I'd kill myself before I'd ever let that happen.
She didn't speak to anyone at home that night.
Friday. She was really loving on Friday. She was ever so sweet. I simply melt when she's like that, even though I don't ever admit it. We took a bus down to Junction 8 to chill before she had to go off and see her secondary school chess instructor for the last time. We bought this pig thing for her sister, because it was her birthday as well.
She had to leave after buying it so we walked to the MRT station together. I went back to school for the "urgent StAJe meeting" and she went back for her final chess session.
I chatted with Ding Feng, who was the birthday boy and sole reason for the "urgent StAJe meeting", about Shinigamis, Zanpaktos, Bankais, Gears and crazy pirates until everyone else came. So I played my part pretty well in keeping him busy.
But I'm sorry again dear. For rushing you to come back. The look on your face when you came into the room and sat down... It really tore me up inside. It was like a million gruesome deaths flashing before my eyes. I was broken.
I held true to our promise. As much as I wanted to hit something. I didn't punch the wall at all. You stopped me dead in my tracks when you asked me if I was walking away from you again. I wasn't. I just didn't think that you wanted to see me at that time. I'm sorry I thought about leaving you. I only want the best for you. I don't want to weigh you down.
I don't think I can continue anymore. So I'll end off with a song that has really meaningful lyrics to us. I think Mervyn will smile when he sees this.
Living On A Prayer
by Bon Jovi
Once upon a time
Not so long ago
Not so long ago
Tommy used to work on the docks
Union´s been on strike
He´s down on his luck...it´s tough, so tough
Gina works the diner all day
Working for her man, she brings home her pay
For love - for love
She says we´ve got to hold on to what we´ve got
it doesn´t make a difference
If we make it or not
We´ve got each other and that´s a lot
For love - we´ll give it a shot
Whooaaaaaa! We´re half way there
Whooooaaaa! Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand- we´ll make it - I swear
Whooaaaa! Livin' on a prayer
Tommy got his six string in hock
Now he´s holding in what he used
To make it talk - so tough, it´s tough
Gina dreams of running away
When she cries in the night
Tommy whispers: Baby it´s okay, someday
We´ve got to hold on to what we´ve got
it doesn´t make a difference
If we make it or not
We´ve got each other and that´s a lot
For love - we´ll give it a shot
Whooaaaaaa! We´re half way there
Whooooaaaa! Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand- we´ll make it - I swear
Whooaaaa! Livin' on a prayer
Livin´on a prayer
Solo
Oooooooh
We´ve got to hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when that´s all that you´ve got
Whooaaaaaa! We´re half way there
Whooooaaaa! Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we´ll make it - I swear
Whooaaaa! Livin' on a prayer
Whooaaaaaa! We´re half way there
Whooooaaaa! Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we´ll make it - I swear
Whooaaaa! Livin' on a prayer
Whooaaaaaa! We´re half way there
Whooooaaaa! Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we´ll make it - I swear
Whooaaaa! Livin' on a prayer
Hold on, darling. I love you.
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